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Coping with the death of a loved one is a struggle for the person consoling and the person who needs to be consoled. Here, we try and make it easy for both parties, insha’Allah…

When consoling someone

1.

When consoling someone, greet with salaam and say:

إِنَّ لِلَّهِ مَا أَخَذَ وَلَهُ مَا أَعْطَى وَكُلٌّ عِنْدَهُ بِأَجَلٍ مُسَمَىً فَلَتَصْبِرْ وَلْتَحْتَسِبْ

“Definitely Allah has taken what belongs to Him. He has given us what belongs to Him. He has stipulated a time for everyone (which He does not chance by impatience or plan). Have patience and hope for reward”.

(Bukhari)

2.

When someone’s child dies

Recite:

الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعُونَ

This can also be read when any calamity befalls. By saying so, Allah instructs His angels to build a house for His servant in Jannah and to name it “Bait-ul-Hamd” (House of Praise).

(Hisnul Hasin from Tirmidhi)

Coping with the death of a loved one

Victorian Muslimah has divided this next part into 3 sections, Section A  –  some useful youtube videos, Section B  –  a few du’a(s), Section C  –  A few ideas on organisations that you may want to donate to, on behalf of your deceased loved one.

Section A:

Here are some videos to give us a litle bit more strength, insha’Allah, to face these hard times.

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http://youtu.be/RxxBZ-gbqgI

Section B

Here are a few possible du’a for us to recite, insha’Allah. There are many others. You should not limit to this few…

1.

When the soul has left the body recite:

اللَّهُمَّ اغْفِرْ لِفُلَانِ وَارْفَعْ دَرَجَتَهُ فِي الْمَهْدِيِّينَ وَاخْلُفْهُ فِي عَقِبِهِ فِي الْغَابِرِينَ وَاغْفِرْ لَنَا وَلَهُ يَا رَبَّ الْعَالَمِينَ وَأَفْسِحْ لَهُ فِي قَبْرِهِ وَنَوِّرْ لَهُ فِيهِ

“O Allah, forgive (name of the dead person). Make him among the guided ones, raise his status and be his deputy among the grieving. O Lord of the two worlds, forgive us and him and make his grave wide and full of light”. Prophet Mohammad (SAW.) recited this dua after the death of Abu Salama (R.A.) after closing his eyes.

(Mishkat from Muslim)
When recited for another Muslim then in place of فُلَانُ mention the name of the dead person and before the name add a “Laam” with a “Kasrah (Zer)”

2.

When in any difficult situation
Recite:
اللَّهُمَّ رَحْمَتَكَ أَرْجُو فَلَا تَكِلْنِي إِلَى نَفْسِي طَرْفَةَ عَيْنٍ وَأَصْلِحْ شَأْنِي كُلَّهُ لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا أَنْتَ
“O Allah, I hope for Your mercy, do not leave me for even the duration of an eye blink (duration) and correct my total condition. Besides You there is none worthy of worship”.
(Hisnul Hasin)
Alternate dua
حَسْبُنَا اللَّهُ وَنِعْمَ الْوَكِيلُ
“Allah is sufficient for us and He is the Best Guardian”.
(Quran, Surah Al-Imraan)
Alternatively recite
اللَّهُ اللَّهُ رَبِّي لَا أُشْرِكُ بِهِ شَيْئَاً
“Allah is my Lord, I do not ascribe anything unto Him”.
(Hisnul Hasin from Abu Dawood)
or recite
يَا حَيُّ يَا قَيُّومُ بِرَحْمَتِكَ أَسْتَغِيثُ
“O Alive and everlasting One, I beseech You by Your mercy”.
(Mustadrak Hakim)
لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا أَنْتَ سُبْحَانَكَ إِنِّي كُنْتُ مِنَ الظَّالِمِينَ
“O Allah, there is none worthy of worship besides You. You are Pure, definitely I have oppressed my soul by sinning”.
The Qur’an states that these words were recited when Yunus (A.S.) called upon Allah from the belly of the fish. Prophet Mohammad (S.A.W.) stated in a hadith that when any Muslim makes this dua via these words to Allah, then Allah surely accepts his duas.
(Tirmidhi etc)
It is stated in a hadith that
لَا حَوْلَ وَلَا قُوَّةَ إِلَّا بِاللَّهِ
is the medicine for 99 ailments, the least of which is depression.
(Baihaqi in Dawatul Kubra)
It means that these words are so beneficial and useful that big/great grievances, depression and sorrow are easily removed in its stride.
Abdullah bin Abbas (R.A.) narrates that Prophet Mohammad (S.A.W.) stated that if a person constantly makes “Astaghfar”, then Allah removes every difficulty, frees him from every sorrow and makes a means for him to receive sustencance from places that he never thought of.
(Mishkat from Ahmad)

3.

“Be sure we shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods or lives or the fruits (of your toil), but give glad tidings to those who patiently persevere, Who say, when afflicted with calamity: ‘To God We belong, and to Him is our return'” – (expl. meaning of Qur’an 2 155, 156)

4.

Question: What is the ruling on reciting al-Faatihah and giving the reward for it to the deceased?

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

There is no evidence (daleel) for reciting al-Faatihah or any other part of the Qur’aan and giving (the reward for) it to the deceased. We must not do that, because it was not narrated that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) or his companions (may Allaah be pleased with them) did any such thing. It is prescribed to make du’aa’ for the dead Muslims and to give charity on their behalf by giving to the poor and needy. In this way a person may draw closer to Allaah and ask Him to give the reward for that to his father, mother or other people, deceased or alive. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When a man dies, all his deeds come to a halt apart from three: ongoing charity (sadaqah jaariyah), beneficial knowledge or a righteous child who will pray for him.”

And it was reported that a man said to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “O Messenger of Allaah, my mother has died and she did not make a will. I think that if she had spoken she would have given in charity. Will she be rewarded if I give in charity on her behalf?” He said, “Yes.” (Saheeh – agreed upon)

The same applies to Hajj and ‘umrah on behalf of the deceased and paying off his debts. All of these actions will benefit him, as was narrated in the shar’i daleel (evidence). But if the questioner is referring to treating the family of the deceased person kindly by giving them money or meat (i.e., food), there is nothing wrong with that if they are poor.

Majmoo’ Fataawa wa Maqaalaat Mutanawwi’ah li Samaahat al-Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him), vol. 9, p. 324

Section C

Donations Ideas:

  • Donate to the mosques, on behalf of your deceased loved one.
  • Do Hajj or Ummra, on behalf of your deceased loved one.
  • Paying off the deceased’s debts.
  • Donate to a hospital, orphanage, madrasah or any trusted charity organisation, on behalf of the deceased.
  • Other examples:

1) Donate to authentic Islamic websites. These frequently require a lot of money to keep running continuously, insha’Allah. Some examples are…  http://quranexplorer.com/http://minimuslims.com/ , http://www.facebook.com/disabledmuslimsnetwork , http://guideus.tv/ , http://www.peacetv.in/ , http://www.huda.tv/ , http://www.mercymissionworld.org/australia/ , http://www.iera.org.uk/ , http://www.iisna.com/home/ , http://hiyc.aswj.com.au/ , http://www.discoverislamaustralia.com/ , http://uma.org.au/ , http://www.humanappeal.org.au/ …

2) To invest in Children of Jannah and help support it email info@ChildrenofJannah.com or make a direct bank transfer to:

Name: Children of Jannah
Bank: Natwest, Manchester
Account number: 65611039
Branch Sort code: 60-15-25

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